VAGUE SPACE

2007-08 Season in Review

An abbreviated disaster of a television season is receiving an abbreviated disaster of a blog post from me, due mostly to the fact that there was basically one good prime time show on television and a bunch of massive disappointments.  The writer's strike was obviously a factor and most of the returning shows -- really, all except one -- did not return to anything close to their previous heights.  The Office was probably the biggest disappointment for me.  After shooting from nowhere to my #1 favorite series in last year's season review, the show seemed to be decidedly less funny, with decidedly less memorable lines than last year.  It was still my #2 favorite show of the year, which kind of gives you an idea of how disappointing the season was overall.  But I guess it is what it is.  Read on to see the full list.  And believe me, a top 10 was a difficult number to reach.  Even with a 50" plasma screen television.

Cheesing

On last week's new episode of everybody's long-running and still surprisingly funny animated showcase for foul-mouthed youngsters, South Park is forced to deal with the scourge of the latest drug craze - "Cheesing."  Cheesing does not involve gorging on Gorgonzola or playing on-line poker for hours against a certain plump opponent, but instead consists of something much more troubling.  Apparently, male cats that are frightened by other male cats have a tendency to produce a concentrated form of piss that is highly intoxicating when inhaled.  That shit can get you high, and the boys decide to experiment by tying up their cat in a harness and bringing another male into the room.  The cat sprays in Kenny's face (yes, it's as disturbing as it sounds) and he ends up hallucinating in a dream about a world full of boobs and a huge Amazon woman seemingly made of boobs (yes, it's as disturbing as it sounds).  Kenny becomes immediately addicted, as do a bunch of others in the town, and everybody's cats have to be confiscated.  Cartman, of all people, becomes a savior to the cats, including his own, who he hides up in the attic.

"Mr. Kitty, you have to live in the attic for now.  Here, write a diary."

Imaginationland Episode III

The conclusion of the adventurous three-part South Park episode excursion into Imaginationland was just as entertaining as the previous parts, coming to a rousing conclusion involving Al Gore, Santa Claus, and an imaginary Kyle sucking an imaginary's Cartman's balls.  Let's get right to the action...

Cartman: "But I swear on my life, before this day is over, you will suck my balls!  I swear it!"

You can read my recap of Episodes I & II here.

Kyle Sucks Cartman's Balls: The Trilogy

It's been an uneven season for South Park, to say the least.  Not only did we have an entire episode about Stan's dad's shit (yes, his actual excrement), but now we have a 3 part episode about Kyle - for all intents and purposes - giving Cartman a blowjob.  And that's the normal part of the trilogy.  It's all very strange.  And for the most part, not necessarily all that funny.  Especially the episode about Mr. Marsh's shit, because that was just disgusting.  But this trilogy is nothing if not imaginative.  Almost mind-blowingly so, but very imaginative and original and if I were baked while watching, as I'm sure the writers were while creating it, I might find it a little more enjoyable.  But I have to give them an A for effort.  Any three-part cartoon that makes fellatio between fourth grade boys the secondary plot line is awfully bold.

The trilogy began last week with an episode that begins in the woods near South Park, as Cartman attempts to prove to his friends that he observed a leprechaun by staging a massive search and rescue mission.  Kyle's disbelief of the existence of leprechauns results in the bet that fuels the episode (namely that Kyle will suck Cartman's balls if he can prove the leprechaun is real), but also provides some interesting nicknames for the kids in the mission.  Including Token, the token black character.

Cartman: "Dragonwind to Blackie.  What's your six, Blackie?"
Token: "I don't like the nickname Blackie."

And Butters.

Cartman: "Dragonwind to Faggot.  Come in Faggot."
Butters: "This is Faggot, go ahead."
Cartman: "Faggot, I need you to check positions north by northeast.  I'll check back in five."
Butters: "Ok.  Faggot out."

Cartman Meets Tourette's

And Comedy Central's censors offer no resistance.  In a refreshing change (or perhaps more of the same) for our culture, Wednesday night's debut episode of the 11th season of South Park featured a nonstop array of profanities that generated no publicity in the form of angry letter-writing campaigns or Republican congressmen outrage.  It's possible that the venerable program has spent too long in the public consciousness to ever generate any kind of controversy (and related ratings increase) anymore, and it's possible that the hypocritical religious wingnuts trying to control our speech only selectively flip out anymore (such as in response to a MoveOn.org ad) or perhaps they've just given up after realizing their outrage over Janet Jackson's nipple was one of the low points in American cultural debate in history, but whatever the reason, they are not angry about an episode that would have sparked huge protests just a few years ago.  And that's a good thing.  As for the episode itself?  Fucking hilarious.

Cartman:  "Piss out your ass onto Kyle's mom's fat fucking Jew face.  Oh, excuse me.  That was a bad one."

Season in Review

What a roller-coaster television season, one marked mostly by disappointment, but with a few bright pleasures, including a single brilliant shining example of quality network television comedy.  There was little else.  I've stopped watching TV as much in recent years, which you've probably noticed in my lack of blogging about the pleasures of television, and it is admittedly quite freeing.  I don't miss having shows to watch, for it seems as if (even with DVR) you become beholden to the shows as more than mere entertaining distractions from daily obsessions.  Several times this season, even with my limited schedule of must-watch programs, I've stared at a list with three or four O.C.s and a couple Losts and felt more resigned than anything at my need to watch them.  The truth is, it's better not to get involved, to spend my time socializing or reading or writing or listening to music -- heck, almost anything is better than being forced to watch another confusing episode of Lost... and that's one of my favorite shows.  And I've found I can only take my television in small bites for the most part.  The Daily Show and The Colbert Report - yes, of course, but they only take about 15 minutes each and then some Food Network, some baseball, maybe a glimpse of Seinfeld, and that's basically my viewing day.  I have other things to do.  The point is, when I was younger, for better or worse, I could easily make a list of some top 20 or 30 programs in a season that I've at least watched on a semi-regular basis.  Most of those were sitcoms, back when sitcoms were still programmed, but still, I had serious trouble coming up with 10 shows to make this season's list.  And I don't regret it.  Looking at the state of the top 10 in fact, I'm kind of glad that at least three of the programs will not be returning next season.  I just don't have the time anymore.

Happy Easter

On this week's South Park, Matt & Trey tackle the traditions of Easter and skewer away at the Catholic religion, focusing especially on Bill Donahue, the insane bigot who runs the Catholic League and supposedly speaks for Catholic Americans.  As a Catholic American (non-practicing), I can say with certainty that he doesn't speak for me.  And watching him get treated like a maniac by the South Park creators was pretty funny indeed. 

There's not enough Cartman in the episode to my liking, but he does have an early scene where he visits the Easter Bunny at the mall and treats him like Santa Claus, asking for presents.  He gets upset with the guy in the Easter Bunny suit thinks he's asking for too much.

• Cartman:  "Listen, I'm a human, you're a rabbit.  So if you don't give me what I want for Easter,  I can fucking kill you."  (the Bunny is in shock as Cartman smiles for a picture and walks away) "Bye, Easter Bunny!"

Stanley's Cup

I think they were calling this the 10th season finale of South Park, but it's certainly been hard to keep track.  Let's just say I remember discussing the first season with my little cousins because not too many people watching it were my age at the time.  Those cousins have long since graduated from college at this point.  But unlike The Simpsons, which has aged horribly and is truly unwatchable now, South Park has actually improved through the years, mixing the gross-out shock value of early seasons with biting social commentary, which peaked with the movie but has continued apace in the years following it.  And that made this 10-episode mini-season all the more disappointing, since it did not come close to matching previous heights.  The final episode, though, was at least pretty good.  So here's hoping that it's the sign of things to come.

• Pee Wee hockey player:  "Coach, please don't let us lose to Adams County.  My dad will beat me again."

TV Season in Review

I haven't written much about television since the new season began in September, mostly because I haven't had time to watch much television since September, let alone write about it, but I've caught up as best I could on the few shows still on my must-watch list, and I'm ready to evaluate how good they've been these past 2 months.  Some shows are taking a hiatus (Lost), some are nearing the end of their fall seasons (The Amazing Race, South Park, Weeds), some are just beginning (The OC).  But I've given a letter grade to everything I've watched.  And we'll start with the "A"s and work down from there.  You'll be surprised to see what's at the bottom.

• Lost (Grade:  A) Much has happened in this abbreviated six week mini-season (new episodes are on hold until February, so that they can run through the rest of the season without repeat interruptions).  And when a lot happens on Lost, it's a good thing.  I didn't necessarily like all that happened, but then I did like enough of it to keep watching and to keep wanting to watch next year.  In case you haven't kept up, here's the quick recap:  Jack, Sawyer, and Kate were kidnapped basically because Jack is a spinal surgeon and the Others' leader (Ben, formerly known as Henry Gale) has a tumor on his spine.  How they knew Jack was a surgeon and what exactly the Others are up to remains unclear.  But they still claim they are the "good guys", even as they kept Kate and Sawyer locked in a cage all season.  Jack agreed to the surgery, but stops midway through with Ben's life on the line and gets in contact with Kate just in time to save Sawyer's life.  Oh, and Kate and Sawyer totally did it.  That's when the "season" ends.  In other news, Locke saves Eko's life just in time for the island's black smoke monster to kill him; a polar bear appears just in time for Locke to kill it; Desmond seems to be able to see the future; Charlie is still annoying; and Sun is a big fat liar and kind of a slut.  Also, Jin knows what everyone is saying.  And Hurley is still fat.
  

Student Teacher Relations

This week's South Park tackles the suddenly ubiquitous subject of attractive female teachers having sex with male students, but does it in as least tactful and most disturbing way as possible.  Of course, anything else would have been a surprise.  The side story features Cartman installed as a hall monitor, and the power of the position, as usual, goes straight to his head.  His initial run-in with the current hall monitor doesn't go so well though:

• Hall Monitor:  "I've been instructed to bring you to the principal's office."
• Cartman: "Oh suck my balls, you ginger jew rat hall monitor.  You punk ass stooly, who the fuck do you think you are?"

That's the Cartman we know and love.