VAGUE SPACE

Season in Review

What a roller-coaster television season, one marked mostly by disappointment, but with a few bright pleasures, including a single brilliant shining example of quality network television comedy.  There was little else.  I've stopped watching TV as much in recent years, which you've probably noticed in my lack of blogging about the pleasures of television, and it is admittedly quite freeing.  I don't miss having shows to watch, for it seems as if (even with DVR) you become beholden to the shows as more than mere entertaining distractions from daily obsessions.  Several times this season, even with my limited schedule of must-watch programs, I've stared at a list with three or four O.C.s and a couple Losts and felt more resigned than anything at my need to watch them.  The truth is, it's better not to get involved, to spend my time socializing or reading or writing or listening to music -- heck, almost anything is better than being forced to watch another confusing episode of Lost... and that's one of my favorite shows.  And I've found I can only take my television in small bites for the most part.  The Daily Show and The Colbert Report - yes, of course, but they only take about 15 minutes each and then some Food Network, some baseball, maybe a glimpse of Seinfeld, and that's basically my viewing day.  I have other things to do.  The point is, when I was younger, for better or worse, I could easily make a list of some top 20 or 30 programs in a season that I've at least watched on a semi-regular basis.  Most of those were sitcoms, back when sitcoms were still programmed, but still, I had serious trouble coming up with 10 shows to make this season's list.  And I don't regret it.  Looking at the state of the top 10 in fact, I'm kind of glad that at least three of the programs will not be returning next season.  I just don't have the time anymore.

Lost Season 3 Finale

I don't have much to say about it, because I'm really not sure what the fuck happened at the end, but I guess it was enjoyable.  Charlie died, which I was looking forward to, but because they redeemed him in the past couple episodes, I actually was mildly upset to see the little Hobbit go.  He was the only "good guy" to meet his fate, though, as the Losties basically kicked the Others' asses in this episode and wiped out a whole slew of them, including Big Tom, who I'm going to miss, and a bunch of random baddies that I won't.  Also, the two chicks in the Looking Glass station don't survive (including the one who played "Laura" - the girl that Steve Sanders has a brief one-night-stand with in college and later claims he date-raped her on a "very special" episode of Beverly Hills 90210).  And Mikhail takes a harpoon to the back, delivered by Desmond, and somehow survives it.  He seems unable to ever die, much like Locke, who comes back from the dead with visions of Walt (or was it the actual Walt?) and then somehow finds the Losties at the radio tower and shoots Naomi in the back just as she's about to signal their way off the Island.  Then Jack grabs the satellite phone and, despite Locke threatening to shoot him and Ben's warnings about the nefariousness of Naomi's crew (possibly confirmed by Penny telling Charlie that she doesn't know who Naomi is right before Charlie dies), Jack signals their boat and whoever picks up seems all too eager to come "rescue" them.  Then of course, we flash forward to the flash-forward that we've been watching the whole episode (that we all thought was another lame flashback), this time with a drug-addled Jack pleading with Kate to go back to the Island and Kate (looking clean and refreshed) refusing.  So yeah, quite a lot happened. 

The Man Behind the Curtain

Ok, so I've been ragging on Lost to anyone who's listened for the past three months, complaining mostly about the characters' inability to ever explain anything with a straight answer, and while all these puzzling and strange and life-altering events are going on, the castaways are busy playing ping-pong and riding around in a VW bus.  Plus, Jack became a completely despicable character this season (not just an idiot) and Kate has followed him down that path in recent episodes.  Locke went batshit crazy this season and we already all hated Charlie.  So basically Sayid and Sawyer and Jin were the only regulars whose characters were not assassinated while we spent a ton of time with the Others, learning nothing, and way too much time ignoring the hundreds of plot holes in the program. 

But... all that is forgiven after this week's episode - the best one of the season, one of the best in the history of the show, and one of the best purely dramatic and scary episodes of any show in quite a long time.  And in skillful fashion, the producers answered a whole shitload of questions about the history of Ben and the Others and the Dharma Initiative - stuff that has only been vaguely alluded to all season - and then of course, added a whole slew of new, unanswered questions that I found myself surprisingly excited about answering, instead of just annoyed.  So, bravo producers.  You have saved the season.

This Week's Lost

Sucked ass.  The ratings are plummeting this season and this show is quickly falling into the trap that ruined The X-Files; there are so many secrets and puzzles wrapped within secrets and flashbacks wrapped within puzzles that are secretive, that by the time they start revealing shit, you forget why you gave a shit in the first place, and in the process of revealing the shit, it brings up like 6 more questions that will never be answered but it won't matter because you won't remember them two weeks from now anyway.  Excellent way to run a show, guys. At least The X-Files took a good five seasons before collapsing on itself, and they squeezed out a pretty shitty movie in the meantime.  And to think, last week's Desmond-centric episode was so gripping and wonderful, mostly because it didn't deal with any old boring Others-related mysteries, and the fact that Jack, Kate, and Sawyer weren't there to weigh things down.  You know, Jack's been with the Others since fucking September and he don't know shit about them or anything.  Can't someone give anyone a fucking straight answer?  Like "Yes, I was the stewardess on your plane and this is what happened to me after the crash..."   No, that would be too easy and realistic.  Instead, it's "It's complicated..." and then she walks away.  Motherfucker!  Aaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

Next week:  Maybe Charlie dies.  That would be kind of great.  They already killed off Eko and Ana Lucia, just about the only two new characters that were interesting.  So if they're going to keep thinning the herd, starting with Hobbit-boy is not a bad idea.  Oh, and here's a pretty funny send up of the Lost writers... much better than anything they produced in this week's horrendous display of "drama" (which also featured Bai Ling, as if the writing weren't embarrassing enough).

TV Season in Review

I haven't written much about television since the new season began in September, mostly because I haven't had time to watch much television since September, let alone write about it, but I've caught up as best I could on the few shows still on my must-watch list, and I'm ready to evaluate how good they've been these past 2 months.  Some shows are taking a hiatus (Lost), some are nearing the end of their fall seasons (The Amazing Race, South Park, Weeds), some are just beginning (The OC).  But I've given a letter grade to everything I've watched.  And we'll start with the "A"s and work down from there.  You'll be surprised to see what's at the bottom.

• Lost (Grade:  A) Much has happened in this abbreviated six week mini-season (new episodes are on hold until February, so that they can run through the rest of the season without repeat interruptions).  And when a lot happens on Lost, it's a good thing.  I didn't necessarily like all that happened, but then I did like enough of it to keep watching and to keep wanting to watch next year.  In case you haven't kept up, here's the quick recap:  Jack, Sawyer, and Kate were kidnapped basically because Jack is a spinal surgeon and the Others' leader (Ben, formerly known as Henry Gale) has a tumor on his spine.  How they knew Jack was a surgeon and what exactly the Others are up to remains unclear.  But they still claim they are the "good guys", even as they kept Kate and Sawyer locked in a cage all season.  Jack agreed to the surgery, but stops midway through with Ben's life on the line and gets in contact with Kate just in time to save Sawyer's life.  Oh, and Kate and Sawyer totally did it.  That's when the "season" ends.  In other news, Locke saves Eko's life just in time for the island's black smoke monster to kill him; a polar bear appears just in time for Locke to kill it; Desmond seems to be able to see the future; Charlie is still annoying; and Sun is a big fat liar and kind of a slut.  Also, Jin knows what everyone is saying.  And Hurley is still fat.
  

Sawyer's Pacemaker

We're back in Others' prison central on this week's Lost, which focuses prominently on Sawyer, whose ingenious plan - in an alternative universe, where people are really, really dumb - for escape by shocking Ben with his little automated food delivery system doesn't work because he's being observed and Ben heard his horrendously simplistic plot and turned off the machine.  Then Ben beats the crap out of him.  You know, I really like Sawyer, unlike some other prominent members of the cast (thank god this was a Charlie-free episode), but when the writers make him act that stupid, it doesn't really help matters.  On the bright side, the flashback shows him outwitting some guy who outwitted the feds out of $10 million, so maybe he just got really dumb on the island.  Or maybe the flashbacks just have absolutely nothing to do with the actual show anymore and they should get rid of the stupid shit since we pretty much know all the characters by now.  It could go either way I guess.

Red Sox Win the World Series

The second episode of this third season of Lost was quite entertaining, with gunfire, suicide, torture, near deaths and actual deaths.  It's almost like Bush and Cheney wrote the episode.  But the real payoff for the episode was the closing scene, which featured the title of the post.  And if you haven't seen this week's episode of the serialized drama, stop reading now because I'll be revealing what happens right here.  It seems that the "others," as was foreshadowed last week, have complete contact with the outside world.  They appear to be less like lost castaways on some hidden island in the middle of nowhere and more like people who happen to just live on an island.  Sort of like Hawaiians.  Except without a lot of modern amenities and more polar bears and supernatural black smoke.  At least when those things were part of the writers' plans for the show.  But Ben - the former Henry Gale - reveals to Jack that he's lived on the island all his life (and he's not a young man), and that he knows, in the months after Jack's plane crashed in September 2004, certain world events, including the aforementioned Bush's unfortunate re-election, and the aforementioned Red Sox much more fortunate World Series crown.  He even has a videotape - one of those quaint inventions that were common way back in '04 - and shows the final out of the Series with the Red Sox celebrating.  Since that hadn't happened since 1918 and Big Papi wasn't alive then, it's pretty clear that it actually happened that year.  While Jack was on the island.  And all of the sudden, the chances of him going home suddenly seem realistic.  Unless of course the Others kill him and his friends.  It could go either way.