So a couple weeks ago, I had a great week -- finally -- after nearly 7 months of nonstop shooting burning pain from the big toe on my right foot, or more specifically, the nerve on said foot, the result of a botched surgery to correct a problem that I can't even remember I had anymore. But anyway, had a great week of bearable pain in Atlantic City and the Blue Claws and a party at my friend's house and a trip to see Moonface at the Bowery Ballroom. My life returned to some semblance of normalcy and fun for the first time in 7 months. Then the day after the Moonface concert a rash that had seemed to be forming on my foot got much much worse and by the following day, I had red seeming welts all over the bad foot. My first thought was that the cream that I was using to quell the nerve pain was causing the problem. Of course, the nerve pain cream was the only thing that made the extreme pain bearable through the day. Not good. I was seeing a new doctor the next day about the nerve problem, he took one look at the massive disaster that was my foot and pretty much ordered me to a dermatologist and to stop using that cream. He scheduled a surgery for the nerve pain -- lumbar sympathetic block (basically an injection in my spine) -- and left me on my own.
I saw the dermatologist on Thursday, who prescribed a new cream, this one for the rash, but of the hundreds of explanations for why the rash appeared, he couldn't confirm that my pain cream was causing it. It could be that the skin was so sensitive and the immune system so weakened in the foot due to the pain cream that I caught something. His cream helped with the rash but the lack of the nerve pain cream by now was causing incredible pain to the point that a week after the Moonface concert joy was one of the most painful weeks of this entire dreadful experience that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Yes, not even Rudnick. Anyway, on the bright side the rash on the foot started going away. And then started appearing elsewhere. First a spot on my right arm. Then a full-on rash on my left arm. Then a disastrous looking mess on my neck. Then an itchy hell on my left foot. The cream got rid of these new outbreaks within a few days but I was an itchy, horrible mess and I couldn't leave the house as much for the rash as for the nonstop pain in the foot. The foot was clear enough and the pain was great enough that I went back on the nerve pain cream. Things normalized for about a quarter of a day, when I went to watch my friends race in the Rugged Maniac in Englishtown, NJ, a race I'd signed up for with them back in January, back when the prospect of not being able to run again by July seemed laughable. Now, I'd give anything just to be pain free again, forget the stupid running. Anyway, after a somewhat painful day walking around the Maniac and a less painful night back at my friend's house drunk as shit, I returned home to find huge throbbing blisters all over the side of the bad foot, right by the nerve that is in so much pain. Seriously. 2" long blisters. Most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life. On my fucking foot.
Went back to the dermatologist on Monday, he doesn't know what the fuck is going on. Could be the nerve pain cream again. Could be the rash cream. Could be the interaction of the two. Could be walking around the Maniac with weakened/chapped skin. Could be lepresy. That last one wasn't suggested but that's what it feels like right now. He took a sample of the now deflated skin to send to the lab and I haven't heard the results yet. But now I have red, scarred, deflated blisters and an open wound on the side/bottom of the big toe, incidently the only parts of the big toe that were pain free for the past 7 months. And I've stopped the pain cream again, so as I write this... lots of pain. In the meantime, I did have the surgical procedure -- injection in the spine -- and while it's too early to tell definitely and he'll likely want to do it again, I'd be hard-pressed to say there's been much improvement. I see this doctor again tomorrow, so I don't know what's going on exactly but this may have been my last hope. There may actually be a little improvement in the overall pain level compared to other "no nerve pain cream" times but with the gaping wound on the side of the foot, it's tough to tell right now. Anyway, I think this will be my last post for the week. Unless there's some huge comeback from Vincenzo Nibali in the Tour de France, which would make me happy, at least for a brief moment.
In closing, fuck all doctors. They don't know shit about shit. I don't know why I keep listening.
I'm the same as I was when I was 6 years old
And oh my God I feel so damn old
I don't really feel anything
On a plane, I can see the tiny lights below
And oh my God, they look so alone
Do they really feel anything?
Oh my God, I've gotta gotta gotta gotta move on
Where do you move when what you're moving from
The universe works on a math equation
that never even ever really ends in the end
Infinity spirals out creation
We're on the tip of its tongue, and it is saying
We aint sure where you stand
You aint machines and you aint land
And the plants and the animals, they are linked
And the plants and the animals eat each other
Oh my God and oh my cat
I told my Dad what I need
Well I know what I have and want
But I don't know what I need
Well, he said he said he said he said
"Where we're going I'm dead."