I saw the doctor yesterday, 11 weeks after my toe surgery, and I'm definitely no better and for the first time, he showed some concern that I was still having pain -- and this specific type of pain -- and cautioned that there's a chance I suffered nerve damage from the surgery, or "low-grade" RSD, which based on my quick Internet research (and my friend whose sister is a nurse) is just about the worst thing that could have happened short of death, well that and the bone not fusing all the way. Which it hasn't. I do start physical therapy this morning and there is some hope that will help with the pain, and the doctor still thinks the bone will fuse eventually and is not too concerned that it isn't yet fused at 11 weeks. Based on other stories, 3 to 3 1/2 months is not uncommon for this type of surgery and I'm a few weeks away from that. And for a few days this week, including yesterday morning, the foot did feel much better than it had been. Of course, I was resting it intensively and not doing much on it and any extensive walking or driving still hurt. So the short story is I still have to wait, we can't know if the fusion was unsuccessful yet so we can't know if the pain and complications are still part of the healing/ fusion process or something else. The long story is I've probably never been this upset in my life and I realize now (well, I've realized this for weeks) that I never should have had this surgery... I'm not yet at the pain level I was at before the surgery and I would do anything just to get back to that level, let alone be completely pain free, which seems like a 100-to-1 shot at this point. All over a fucking toe. So yeah, this isn't really a "random" music post and I wish I had better news. I wish I were writing about my new MacBook Pro laptop that I'm writing this on but I'm not really in the mood to celebrate anything. And I'm still on Percocet for the pain at night so I can't even get drunk to forget about this all. Hopefully the physical therapy helps, at least a little. That's really all I've got at this point.