I've only written about this show once before, and it seems like no one I know has an interest in it, but this season's been absolutely hilarious (after a weak Season 3 followed a spectacularly funny Season 2) and there's still at least a couple weeks left with new episode, Thursdays at 10 pm on FX. If you are into crude, degrading, politically incorrect and ultimately funny humor, take my advice and check out an episode or three. It's like South Park with human actors and everyone has the same anti-social personality as Cartman. Or it's like The Office if everyone had the whip-smart sarcastic humor as Jim but also were incredibly selfish and hated the world. Or it's like Seinfeld in the final years, after the "no hugs, no growth" mantra was taken to incredibly self-involved extremes, but if it were still actually funny. Just take this scene in a recent episode, in which Charlie (who has the IQ of Sarah Palin) and Dennis (who is more self-absorbed than Elmer Straw) discuss potential plans for the evening after Charlie comes to Dennis's apartment to see his roommate Mac and is not that interested in Dennis's plans.
Dennis: Let's do something else. Hey, a board game, man. I got Chinese checkers.
Charlie: (looking down) Well, that's kind of foreign.
Dennis: (stares, dumbfounded) I got Clue, we could solve a mystery together...
Charlie: That's kind of complicated stuff there.
Dennis: What about Connect Four? Connect Four's a fun game.
Charlie: That's a lot of counting.
Dennis: (confused) It's not that much counting. It's just 1, 2, 3 and then 4 you win.
Charlie: But a lot of times you gotta count that much.
Dennis: Not that many times, if you count to four, you've won the game.
The show also includes the greatest openings on television - well, except for when Tina Fey is doing Sarah Palin. In the same episode as above, Charlie goes to Mac for help because he fears his one true love -- known only as "The Waitress" (she works at a local coffee shop) -- may be dating someone.
Dennis: Can I stop you for a second. I'm sorry, I'm a little confused here - you just said Mac was your best friend -- how's he your best friend over me?
Charlie: Well, I mean you banged the waitress. Do I even have to explain that to you? That kind of rubbed me the wrong way.
Dennis: I don't see how that should factor into whether we're best friends or not. You know, I'm shocked. I'm kind of thunderstruck here.
Charlie: Well I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to thunderstrike (?) you but I don't know what to tell you.
Dennis: I want you to explain to me how you can consider Mac a better friend than me.
Charlie: Now this is becoming awkward. It's turning into some kind of feelings thing when it's not about your feelings right now, it's about my feelings because I have a real problem, okay?Now Mac, please, do you think you can find this guy and kick his ass for me?
Mac: Absolutely, bro. I will find this guy and kick his ass and you want to know why? Because you and I are best friends.
(cut to Mac at The Waitress's apartment)
Mac: He's on to us.(episode title screen appears):
Mac's Banging the Waitress
The fact that no one to this day knows her actual name (she's been in many episodes) comes up later in the episode when Mac and the Waitress are going through Dennis's sex tapes (he tapes everyone he bangs).
Mac: Here, W through Z -- your name should be under W, right?
The Waitress: No, my name doesn't start with a W.
Mac: Here we go - "Waitress, Coffee Shop, 1 star"
Dennis also has tapes for Waitress - Airport Bar, Waitress - Bar & Grill, Waitress - Korean, Waitress - Vegan, Waitress - French (these are probably types of restaurants, not types of waitresses), Waitress - Surf & Turf (she got 4 stars), along with Weather Girl, Yoga Instructor, and Zookeeper. The zookeeper only got 2 stars.
Mac is not nearly as successful in bagging the Waitress, though.
The Waitress: Dude, if I'm going to bang you, it's going to be on my terms, all right? There's some things that I need from you.
Mac: Alright, whatever, I'll wear the goddamned condom but I am not psyched about it.
The Waitress: This isn't about a condom, it's -- wait, do you really not where condoms when you have sex with strangers?
Mac: Why would I wear a condom?(Charlie interrupts on the walkie talkie)
Charlie: Best friend 1 to Best friend 2.
Mac: (to the Waitress): I"m going to take this, but maybe a little later, we can do some hand stuff.
The Waitress: (shocked by his stupidity) Are you in junior high?
Mac: Mouth stuff?
The Waitress: Oh my god.
Nice. Anyway, it's a great show. I highly recommend it. And the quotes probably don't do it justice, since the rapid-fire delivery perfected by the actors is so hard to replicate here. But if you're still not convinced, this should do it... Dennis and Charlie end up sleeping together (just sleeping, relax -- although this is not an infrequent occurrence, Charlie and Dennis's dad (played by Danny DeVito) share a fold-out couch as a bed every night -- don't ask -- and last week's episode was about who between them pooped in the bed -- seriously, don't ask). Anyway, Charlie's had a lot to drink. And Mac wakes Dennis up in the middle of the night to ask his advice about The Waitress, who he's trying to bang. Charlie wakes up in the midst of this and wonders what's going on.
Charlie: Are you sure man? 'Cause I feel like I'm awake.
Dennis: No, this is a dream you're having.
Charlie. Oh. Am I peeing?
Dennis: Are you peeing?(Dennis & Mac look at each other and the sound of "water" streaming can be heard)
Dennis: Oh my god! (jumping out of bed)
Mac: I knew it. I told you he drank too much.
You can watch the entire episode below, but because it's "intended for mature audiences" only, I think you need to register for an account to log-in at Hulu.com. Which I would highly recommend, since Hulu is fucking awesome. And don't worry, my Jewish friends, it's free.
Not funny.
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