Kyle Sucks Cartman's Balls: The Trilogy

It's been an uneven season for South Park, to say the least.  Not only did we have an entire episode about Stan's dad's shit (yes, his actual excrement), but now we have a 3 part episode about Kyle - for all intents and purposes - giving Cartman a blowjob.  And that's the normal part of the trilogy.  It's all very strange.  And for the most part, not necessarily all that funny.  Especially the episode about Mr. Marsh's shit, because that was just disgusting.  But this trilogy is nothing if not imaginative.  Almost mind-blowingly so, but very imaginative and original and if I were baked while watching, as I'm sure the writers were while creating it, I might find it a little more enjoyable.  But I have to give them an A for effort.  Any three-part cartoon that makes fellatio between fourth grade boys the secondary plot line is awfully bold.

The trilogy began last week with an episode that begins in the woods near South Park, as Cartman attempts to prove to his friends that he observed a leprechaun by staging a massive search and rescue mission.  Kyle's disbelief of the existence of leprechauns results in the bet that fuels the episode (namely that Kyle will suck Cartman's balls if he can prove the leprechaun is real), but also provides some interesting nicknames for the kids in the mission.  Including Token, the token black character.

Cartman: "Dragonwind to Blackie.  What's your six, Blackie?"
Token: "I don't like the nickname Blackie."

And Butters.

Cartman: "Dragonwind to Faggot.  Come in Faggot."
Butters: "This is Faggot, go ahead."
Cartman: "Faggot, I need you to check positions north by northeast.  I'll check back in five."
Butters: "Ok.  Faggot out."

Kyle loses the bet when they trap a leprechaun, but the imaginary creature escapes, only to be replaced by a large man-like individual with a big smile and weird accent who calls himself the "Mayor of Imaginationland."  And he loads the boys up onto a balloon and flies them to his home.  Literally.  That isn't a euphemism for something Butters' father thinks once the boys are found missing.

Mr. Butters: "We don't want to jump to conclusions, but we're worried that somebody kidnapped Butters, sodomized him over and over again and then fed his genitals to wild animals."

Whoever writes this shit is pretty fucking sick.  But that part was funny.  The boys make it to Imaginationland, where every imaginary character lives - from the Lollypop King (a stick with a lollypop head) to Batman to the Care Bears to Santa Claus (sorry to spoil it for you, Switsky - he's not real).  Unfortunately, the leprechaun was trying to warn of a terrorist attack on our imaginations, and a bunch of brown-skinned rebels appear with machine guns and start shooting up the place.  There's sort of an satirical undercurrent that runs throughout the rest of the trilogy about how we let the Bush administration scare us into doing much worse things than the attack on 9/11 actually did (because our imaginations were running wild with horrible thoughts of terrorism, when in reality they haven't attacked us since).  It's well done but it kind of gets lost in the rest of the psychosis going on in these episodes, unfortunately. 

Kyle and Stan escape, but Butters is left behind, held captive by the terrorists, along with the rest of the imaginary characters (a Care Bear gets shot in the head on national TV).  Of course, all Cartman is concerned about is that Kyle pays off his debt.  He has a signed contract (stupid Kyle) and takes Kyle to court for justice.

Cartman: "Your honor, I stand before you with dry balls.  I've got witnesses, collected testimonials, and still my balls remain dry."

The court agrees with Cartman.  And Kyle is resigned to his fate, but at the last second, the CIA or defense department or someone shows up to kidnap Kyle and Stan to help them solve the crisis in Imaginationland, since they're the only people who have been there.  Cartman's balls remain dry.  And back in the fantasy world, the terrorists blow up the wall separating the evil imaginary characters from the good ones.  Suddenly, a flood of evil comes swarming through.  And thus ends Episode I.

Episode II was this week, so I have yet to see the end of the trilogy, but this week was more enjoyable at least, with plenty of humor involved.  It starts off right where they left off, with the evil characters coming through.  They shoot the Mayor, but Butters, the Lollypop King and Snarf escape, heading to a castle fortress for safety.  Along the way they find Strawberry Shortcake tied up and about to be tortured by the likes of Freddy Krueger, the Headless Horseman, Wario, and ManBearPig from a previous Al Gore-inspired South Park episode.  Krueger cuts her eyes out and then they are about to kill her when the Woodland Critters from the classic "Woodland Critter Christmas" episode appear and offer their own warped sense of Satanic rituals for evildoing, including having sex with her empty eye socket and pissing in the hole afterwards. 

In the meantime, Butters gets some last advice from the Mayor before he dies.

Butters: Please sir, I have to get home to my world.
Mayor: Oh, well, all you have to do is tap your heels together three times.
Butters: Really??
Mayor: No you fucking dipshit, that was a joke!

That wasn't very helpful, but they do make it to Castle Sunshine, which is an exact replica of Rivendell from the Lord of the Rings movies, and meet with the Council of Nine, which consists of the following good imaginary characters (the wisest of all):  Aslan from Narnia, Gandolf, Morpheus from The Matrix, Luke Skywalker, Popeye, Wonder Woman, Glinda - the Good Witch, Zeus, and of course, Jesus.  Now, that was funny. 

(Editor's Note: An amazingly detailed and seemingly accurate description of all the characters that appeared in this episode is on Wikipedia here.  For instance, I didn't get the "Snarf" jokes and didn't know who that character was, but according to Wiki, it was part of the Thundercats, a cartoon I never watched. )

Anyway, back in "reality," Kyle and Stan end up at a government facility where a portal to Imaginationland has been created (looking very similar to the portal in Stargate) but they hadn't been able to get it to work, at least until Kyle and Stan are able to duplicate the Mayor's "Imagination Song" which triggers the gate to open.  Cartman arrives just as they are about to send a team through, though, and when he presents the court order, the general has no choice but to give up Kyle and send the two boys to the conference room to "do their business."  While our imaginations are about to be destroyed, Cartman has only one concern...

Cartman:  "The conference room is which way?"

In the meantime, Kurt Russell leads a team through the portal to try to save Imaginationland (why? because no one's ever done this before and he was a "in a movie where something like this kind of happened."  Duh.)  But unfortunately, there is trouble, and Cartman and Kyle are forced to evacuate the room before the deed can be done. 

Cartman:  "Care for some nuts?  Oh that's right, you'll be chock full of nuts in just a few minutes."

Kurt Russell and company have run into a band of adorable woodland creatures, who seem harmless enough.

Stan: "Wait, woodland critters? (pause)  Get them out! Get them out of there right now!" (reminiscent of the scene in Aliens where half the marines are killed).

Chaos ensues.

General: "Kurt Russell - what's wrong!"
Kurt Russell: "They're raping us!  They're raping us!  They're raping us and it hurts!"

Soon, ManBearPig escapes through the portal into the room where they are all standing.  He slices through several army officials and computer geeks (who are busy arguing over whether he is more man or bear or pig), and then grabs hold of Kyle.  One of the nerds is able to reverse the portal field before more damage is done, but Stan is caught in the crossbeam and sent to Imaginationland along with ManBearPig.  And Kyle falls to his death by asphyxiation (the ManBearPig was holding him by the neck).  The remaining officials pronounce him dead, but Cartman refuses to believe.  And in a scene that is supposedly an exact replica of one in which Jack revives Charlie on Lost (that I don't remember - and it might have been the other way around), Cartman refuses to let Kyle die (and miss out on getting his balls sucked) and in a long, overwrought, very emotional and sarcastically funny satire of similar scenes, brings him back to life.

Kyle ends up recovering in the hospital, with Cartman by his side, while the military have decided to send a nuclear missile into the portal to "nuke our imagination" - the only way to stop the terrorists.  Of course, Stan and Butters are still inside.  And Cartman's balls remain dry.

To be continued next week...

Comments

[Wow]

There are no words.

[Derrick Hartman]

I cant wait till you witness kyle suckin my BIG BLACK BALLS.
Hey, we might even touch wieners. Fresh cowboy from da west side.

[Eric Cartman]

You can all suck my balls.

[Eric Cartman]

You don't even have a TV show anymore,so you can just suck my Japanese imprisoned balls.

[Jordan 6 Rings]

If love isn’t a game, then why are there so many players? Are you one of these players?

[air yeezy]

No matter how gluttonous devouring all the time, we need to breathe at this time, and strive to win our reputation, the sickle of time can not hurt us. - William Shakespeare

[Air Jordan 13]

JO JO JO JO LOVE THIS POST!

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