Little Orphan Funkhouser

This season of Curb has featured quite a bit of Marty Funkhouser (aka the former Super Dave Osborne), and it's been a typically hilarious year so far, highlighted by another stellar episode this week.  If the presence of so much Funkhouser alongside so much comedy is off-putting to you, well just remember, Larry David can make anything and everything funny.  Even a wet-with-sweat 50-dollar bill. 

Funkhouser's mother Ida died in a wheelchair accident while trying to cross a road, and as a result, a Roadside Memorial has been setup on her behalf, full of flowers that somehow end up in Larry's grasp.  But before all that, LD finds himself on line at an ice cream shop with a woman who makes the practice of sampling an art form.  LD has some words with her - but unfortunately she is the dean of the school that Cheryl is trying to get the Black kids enrolled in (along with Jeff and Susie's daughter).  Cheryl is not pleased at Larry screwing up the enrollment process.

Larry: (on confronting a sample abuser) Don't abuse your sampling privileges. She abused the sampling privilege. And you know what else?
Cheryl: What?
Larry: I was also looking out for the counterperson, as well.
Cheryl: If she had a problem with that woman, don't you think she would have said, "Excuse me, ma'am"?
Larry: No, no, 'cause she's always told 'the customer is right,' and in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole.

He's not wrong there.

So Larry goes to pick up some flowers in an effort to apologize to the dean, but finds himself out of cash except for a perspiration soaked fifty handed to him in the midst of jogging by a mourning Marty Funkhouser as payment for a golf debt.  Larry had refused to accept the cash, but Funkhouser claimed it was that or nothing and even a rich Jew isn't turning down fifty bucks, no matter how wet and disgusting it is.  Unfortunately, Larry can't get rid of the money - not to pay his painter at his house, and not at the flower shop, leaving him with no gift on his way to the dean - at least until he passes the Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial and does a little "shopping."

After his meeting with the dean goes so well, he stops back by the memorial on his way home, to grab more flowers for Cheryl and Loretta - hoping to butter Cheryl up in the hopes of getting some sex with her later that night.

"On the day I want sex, I'm  a lot nicer….then we'll have sex. Then I'll go back to being the way I am. It's  fascinating."

But his plans go awry when Funkhouser stops by completely upset that someone has stolen his mother's flowers. 

Larry: "How would you even know the flowers were stolen?"
Marty: "I count them.  I go by there ten times a day."

And Marty's great sense of smell alerts him to the fact that the flowers are in the house - leading to a dust up that includes a threat on Larry's life.

Marty:  "If you weren't my best friend, I would take my bare hands and pop your head off your neck."
Larry:  "Best friend? He's not my best friend."

Always like Larry to insist on accuracy in all situations.  But Marty wants the other stolen flowers that he gave to the dean as well, and of course, when he arrives at her office, Susie and Jeff are there interviewing with her about their daughter.  Larry is able to ferret away the flowers from a vase outside the office without detection - at least until a secretary walks in and he has to quickly hide them in the only possible place - Susie's bag.  The dean discovers the flowers in the bag and kicks them all out (including little Sammy's chances of going to that school).  Susie and Jeff are not pleased.

Jeff:  "You have ruined my life.  You have ruined my life.  I have to live with THIS now!" (pointing to his wife)
Susie: "Oh you bet he does."
Jeff:  "I am fucked.  You have fucked me.  HARD."
Larry (pause): "Can I have those flowers?"

Larry returns to Marty's house with the flowers and notices on the memorial they've assembled for his mother is a bottle of perfume he'd tried to buy for Cheryl but failed due to another sampling dilemma at the fragrance shop.  So Larry "borrows" the bottle, returns home, knocks over both of the Black children who rush to greet him like their father, and runs upstairs to get laid.  The next morning, of course, he's back to normal (no longer being nice to Cheryl to get some).

Cheryl: "How about after the funeral, we go visit my sister?"
Larry: "I don't think so."

But at the funeral, Marty's strong sense of smell re-emerges and he realizes that someone in the funeral parlor is wearing his mother's missing perfume.  Larry begins to panic, even trying to pull Cheryl out of line, but she refuses.  Finally - remembering what Richard Lewis said about the greed of Funkhouser's relatives, Larry fishes out the still-worn fifty from his pocket and tosses it on the floor, shouting "Look, somebody dropped a fifty!"  As the vultures converge, Larry quickly escorts Cheryl out of the parlor and finally escapes one disaster on the night.

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Comments

[Switsky]

Funkhouser: I am an orphan
LD: You're too old to be an orphan
Funkhouser: If you don't have parents, you're an orphan
LD: so if your 70 and have no parents you're an orphan
Funkhouser: yes
LD: if you're 100 are you an orphan
Funkhouser: yes
LD: Little Orphan Funhouser

good stuff

I still liked the first two episodes better.