Cut Your Hair

I was getting my hair cut the other day when my hairdresser asked if I liked Whitney Houston.  It wasn't a random question, for one of her songs was playing on the lite FM/adult contempo/ pre-programmed pap radio station softly echoing off the faded tiled walls in the empty establishment.  I'm not sure what song it was actually.  I knew at the time I guess; I grew up listening to Ms. Houston and I'm sure when her music first came out I didn't mind it so much.  My brain was a lot mushier back then.

"No," I said without hesitation, followed by an awkward laugh to hide the abruptness of my response.  She was surprised I guess, and let out an audible gasp, pausing with her sharpened scissors near my ear while I reconsidered the remark.  She was a little flusterered and perhaps struggling with the language, giving me a chance to amend my statement, but I truly couldn't.  There isn't a single part of me left that can appreciate anything about Whitney Houston's music.

"Do you not like her music?" the hairdresser finally asked, adding, "Or is it the singing?"  When she paused I thought the second part of the question would have something to do with the singer's much publicized crack habit and run-ins with the law, or perhaps her short-lived but hilarious reality program with husband/pscyho-freak Bobby Brown.  I mean her singing is awfully irrelevant at this point, isn't it?  Michael Jackson at least has had decades of built-up goodwill to burn through to insulate himself from complete dismissal at the thought of ever listening to "Beat It" with a straight face again.  But Whitney?  She had a couple good years, I think, and a wonderful voice, but... come on, she's a crack-head.  That's really the only thing memorable about her anymore.

"It's the music," I said.  "She's got a great voice, I just don't like her songs."

"Oh."  Another awkward hesitation.  I forced a smile, she returned to chopping the remaining vestiges of my hair and I hoped we'd moved on.  "Do you like Mariah Carey?"

Now that was funny.  I'm not sure how I didn't burst out laughing at the spot, but I simply gave a flat "Uh... no" response, which she seemed equally surprised at.  I wasn't sure what to say at this point, but I threw her a bone.  "Do you like them?"

"Yes," she said confidently, undeterred by my failure to appreciate the gifts of the musicians played on the lite FM/adult contempo/pre-programmed pap burning through the ears of the few patrons surrounding us.  "I think they're good," she continued, backing off a bit.

I can't remember the last time I've spoken to someone who liked such bad music.  Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly aware that Ms. Houston and Ms. Carey have sold millions and millions of records on the strength of their incredible "talents", but it's not exactly a topic of conversation, at least not in any of my circles.  Admittedly, most of my friends don't necessarily like or appreciate the music I listen to, and some of them have tastes so troubling that they make Whitney Houston seem edgy (I'm looking at you, Manilow fan), but we don't really talk about it.  And no one would ever suggest to me the thought that I might like that kind of music.  It was very unsettling.  And quite disturbing.

"What music do you like?" she asked.

I considered the response, but realized thoughts of explaining indie music or even the concept of alternative would be lost on her and simply said, "Rock.  Rock music."

"Oh." 

She wasn't satisfied though, still slowly trimming my bangs as the Whitney Houston song mercifully came to an end. 

"Who do you like?" she persisted, seemingly as puzzled by my taste in music as I was in hers.  "Who's your favorite?"

"You've never heard of them," I said, aware as I spoke of the abruptness in my tone but somehow unable to put it less bluntly.  Her face was still plastered with a curious gaze.  "Modest Mouse," I followed, and then let out another awkward laugh, as if I were the one who needed to apologize about her lack of musical knowledge.

She didn't respond to that and I'm not sure she could have.  Five years ago when I mentioned "Modest Mouse" to people I knew, I was met with blank stares and confused glances.  "Mighty Mouse" was more often than not what people referred to them as in the ensuing time, and even wearing around the T-shirt with their name on it from a concert I attended in 2002 did little to change the looks of bewilderment.  Now of course, Modest Mouse has had a relatively mainstream radio hit and no one looks askance at the mention of their name.  But the hairdresser did.  And Modest Mouse is not even my favorite band.

The Smiths still are, I guess.  But they haven't made a new record since 1988 and it's a little too quaint to tell someone they are my favorite.  She probably wouldn't have heard of them anyway.  Pavement are #2, but they haven't made a new record since 1999, and while they were indie rock legends and pioneers in their time, they're probably as little known by today's teenagers as by this hairdresser.  Superchunk are 3rd, but they were never all that popular in indie rock circles, at least not like the Pixies or Radiohead or even Pavement once were.  So I skipped past them as well.  Bright Eyes are #4, and are still making music today, and are presumably well known by today's youth, at least those that listen to the "left of the dial", but there was no way this lady had ever heard of them.  So I settled on #5, on Modest Mouse.  But she didn't know them.  She couldn't have.  Anyone who likes Whitney Houston or Mariah Carey does so for a reason.  They have either never been exposed to the type of music I post on this blog, or if they were, they did not understand it.

I never imagine that most people like the music I listen to.  If they did, Grandaddy wouldn't have broken up after a decade of never making any money.  But I also never imagine that people actually enjoy the music that is actually popular.  Teenage girls listen to stuff that is made for teenage girls, and teenage boys listen to stuff that some corporate bigwig figured would piss off kids' parents, and people my age and older listen to the rock music from the time they were young, which is all fine and good.  But who is listening to Whitney Houston on the lite FM/adult contempo/pre-packaged pap radio stations?  Who is listening to Elvis and Idiot-Boy on the Z Morning Zoo Crew and actually finding it funny?  Who is watching Dancing with the Stars and being entertained?  My hairdresser, for one.  But who else is?  Do people actually want to hear "I Wanna Dance with Somebody" while waiting on line at the dentist?  Is that actually appealing to their ears?

I don't have the answers to these questions, despite the length of this post, but it was just something that struck me as so odd.  Whitney Houston?  She might as well have been speaking a foreign language.  And Modest Mouse, to her?  I'm sure she's even more confused than I was.  You see I've at least heard of Ms. Houston.  She's probably still wondering how it is exactly that a cartoon mouse is a rock singer.

• Download Modest Mouse - "So Much Beauty in Dirt".mp3
• Download Morrissey - "Hairdresser on Fire".mp3
• Download Bright Eyes - "Pull My Hair".mp3
• Download Sufjan Stevens - "Springfield, or Bobby Got a Shadfly Caught in His Hair".mp3
• Download Pavement - "Cut Your Hair".mp3

Enjoy the only Pavement video MTV ever played (and their only radio "hit", as minor as it was), which is actually a send-up of stupidly enacted videos that MTV used to play back in the early '90s.  What's the definition of irony again?

    Advertising, looks, and chops a must.  No big hair!

    Songs mean a lot when songs are bought.  And so are you.

    Let's rush down to the practice room; tension and fame, a career, career, career, career!

(special Vague Space side note:  The fourth guy to get his "hair cut" in the video, the one who gets dressed up like a king, is Stephen Malkmus, who would years later pen the song that this blog is named after...)

Comments

[LegFuJohnson]

In closing-
F BBM
F Fantasy Fooball-the Koren League and the other one
and F Rudnick for going away for so long

[LegFuJohnson]

(The above post wasn't my own, just remembering the best post in VS history)

But if you watched "Dancing with the Stars" while Stacy Kiebler was dancing, you'd have been entertained.

[chuck]

and F LENNY!!!

[Curious]

Who deemed it the koren league? Is it because Eric would hold everyone's money until baseball season started?

[Table #1]

Good luck to Barry Manilow, one of the great entertainers in history, on his hip surgery today. Come through strong Barry!

[Whitney Manilow]

Just got back from my "WEEKEND IN NEW ENGLAND" as the drive back wasn't easy, but "I MADE IT THROUGH THE RAIN" and now I'm wondering "HOW WILL I KNOW" if Seahawk football is "THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL."

[flenny]

ummm, did I miss something here? Why are we not giving Bill crap about having a hair dresser? Bill, you're a guy (at least I thought you were)! Guys do not have hair dressers.

[switsky]

Yeah, Lauren is coming back to this site after reading all of these comments.