And Then There Were 3

The second to last episode of the vastly disappointing Family Edition of The Amazing Race finally featured the elimination of a team after what seemed to be weeks of non-elimination legs and non-finishing legs to reduce the number of teams left to three, for the final race for a million dollars.  The Paolos were knocked out about a month ago - calendar wise - and yet we had to wade through several trips down and around every spacious boring western state before the Godlewskis mercifully got the axe at the end of this episode.  But only after traveling hundreds of miles along highways in Utah, Colorado, Wyoming, and Montana and performing meaningless and basic tasks that were nearly as challenging as having to get directions in Wyoming.  Is it even possible to get lost in a state with one major highway?  At least the Weavers survived.  If it weren't for their consisently boorish behavior, we'd have nothing to watch but empty land.  Go CBS!

The episode begins - oh I don't even know where the hell they were, but it was a continuation of last week's abbreviated leg, with the Weavers and Bransens in the lead.  And in about 17 seconds the whole episode preceding it becomes pointless - or even more pointless - when there's a bunching at the very next stop.  So what was the point of all that?  Just to scare the Godlewskis - who got to the mat last?  Didn't really work, since they were pretty much ready to go home when they arrived.  You know it's not a good cast when you have people within a couple days of winning a million dollars who don't really care if they win or lose.  Not good times.

Anyway, a Detour follows the bunching, a choice between "Pioneer Spirit" and "Native Tradition".  The Linzes and Bransens pick what turns out to be the easier task - putting a couple wheels on a wagon and then having a guide help drive them a quarter mile.  Somehow I missed out on where this was "challenging".  The Linzes finish first and are off across the empty highway, with the Bransens close behind.  The other two teams take much longer to build a teepee, which actually seemed like more of a challenge, but I figure the production team had to tell them what to do because these idiots can hardly manage a bathroom toilet paper holder let alone build an ancient Indian structure, but somehow the Weavers finish first, with the Godlewskis not far behind.   

    "We're back in the race," pscyho crazy Ma Weaver says.
    "We were in the race," her daughter remarks, confused.
    "We've always been in the race," Ma Weaver's other personality responds nonchalantly.  I try to decide whether or not to switch from mixed drinks to straight shots.

Next up is Cody, Wyoming - or perhaps that's where they were, my notes aren't clear as I think I nodded off at this point.  And there's some sort of "challenge" that involves dressing up in old Western clothes and getting your picture taken.  Yes, getting your picture taken.  That's the challenge.  Fear Factor, eat your heart out.

The Godlewskis continue to trail as the clue for the next destination gets a little tricky, mentioning the "10th tee", but not actually spelling out the name of a golf course.  Fortunately, there's only one road into town, and probably only one golf course in the state, so it's not that difficult.  Still, the Weavers are all confused until 13-year-old Rolly figures it out, but then again, he's the only one in the family with functioning brain cells.

And the Roadblock?  Well last season, the racers had to hit a golf ball onto a small green about 100 yards away, not an easy task, and very difficult if you don't play golf.  It took some teams a long time to complete.  This year?  Simply finding golf balls laying on the fairway and greens.  On the empty, wide open course.  Not even hidden in sand traps or trees.  Well, there were no trees because we're in Wyoming, but that's not the point.  The point?  Oh, I don't even know anymore.  Where did I leave the tequila?

So after watching the teams do the least fun thing about golf -- finding your ball, there's a race to the final mat to see Phil.  The Linzes were ahead going into the Roadblock but didn't find the ball inside the hole on the 18th green and got passed by the Bransens, who won yet another leg, and got a Buick for their troubles.  They didn't seem all that excited, which was either because an earlier leg gave them free gas for life or because they won a Buick.  The Linzes came in second.

The race for the final spot in the final three looked to be exciting for a brief second, though, as I awoke from my daze to see the Weavers get pulled over for speeding as they entered some town in - I don't know, Montana?  are they still in Wyoming?  who knows?  And they're just about out of gas too.  But the cop lets them go, the car manages its way on fumes, and there's still no sign of the Godlewskis, who have spent the last few episodes bickering their way to annoying me more than the Weavers, and seem relieved when they came in last.  Again.

And so that's it.  The final three?  The Linzes - certainly the heavy favorites at the start, with three strong 20-something males and their sister.  The Bransens - who seemed hopeless early with three young-looking daughters and their gasping-for-air father, but have turned out to be incredibly competent, and also pleasant.  And the Weavers - who seem to have no discernable skills whatsoever, are freakishly paranoid to the point that they think everyone else is horribly evil even as they incessantly make fun of the rest of the teams, have wanted to quit on frequent occasions, have only two licensed drivers, and besides young Rolly, don't seem to have any strength, dexterity, or ability to even walk straight.  They do pray constantly though, so maybe that's what's been helping them.  Hey, it's really the only possible explanation at this point.  I actually want to see them win, if only to make this the completely worst season in the storied history of The Amazing Race.  I'm thinking they ain't winning the Emmy again this year.