An Amazing Finale

Ok, maybe not so much "amazing".  Amazingly boring and pointless, maybe.  Just like the season.  But on the bright side, it's over.  It's over!  Much like Rudnick's EFFL playoff hopes, the Family Edition Amazing Race experiment has finally, mercifully come to an end.  And as the ratings attest, and as Phil emphasized in his preview for the next season, they are going back to the two-person teams and they're not looking back.  But for now, strap in and read the recap of the final episode, which actually featured a borderline intriguing finish, or at least a brief, manipulated camera ending that snapped me awake long enugh to watch the winning team collect its million dollar reward. 

And the winner is...  the Linz family - the group of 3 twentysomething males in good shape and their like-aged sister (in less good shape) somehow ended up winning a race in which their opponents were mostly little kids and middle-aged women.  What a stunner that outcome was.  Even the early-season stupidity of the Linz brothers did not factor into the ultimate result.   And so the Ohio family that I never really warmed to got the big prize, edging out the Bransens, who I had begun to root for, which was disappointing.  But mostly I'm still happy it's over.

The episode began somewhere near Bumblefuck, Montana, but quickly took a Canadian detour as the teams took flights to Montreal via Minneapolis.  There was bunching at the airport, but then the Bransens took a worse flight, and "Ted the Taxi God" helped the Weavers take the lead on the leg by driving with them in and around the French-Canadian city.  There were a bunch of boring stops with a mildly interesting curling Detour that allowed the Weavers to pull further ahead.  But their lead came to a crashing halt in Olympic Stadium (former home of Les Expos!), when first the Weavers couldn't find the open door to get into the stadium and then they ran out of energy looking for their next clue hidden somewhere among the 50,000 seats.  Which I can hardly blame them for because that task totally sucked.

The other teams eventually arrived, passed them, and took naps on cots laid out on the field (was the baseball diamond set up just for the show - or is there a minor league team that plays there?) awaiting morning charter flights, the order determined by the time on the clue card found on one of the seats in the stadium.  Meanwhile, the Weavers bitched and complained about the impossibility of the activity, Psycho Ma Weaver decided to go to sleep rather than keep looking, and even though young Rolly basically begged his sisters to get off their fat, lazy asses and not give up when they were so close to winning a million dollars, the team pulled a "Flo" and refused to go on.  At some point in the morning though, Ma woke up and they went looking for the clue - found by Rolly, who is the only member of the team worth anything and the only member who I wouldn't spit on if they passed me - and after a bunching at the next airport, they ended up pulling even with the other teams again.

The "mystery" flight took them to exotic downtown Toronto, where the Weavers fell behind by not noticing the huge tower in the middle of the city and wasting time getting a map.  A combination of that and the killer fatigue that had set in - not helped by the fact that they hadn't slept the night before - ended up costing them the race.  They never caught up after this point.  And finished third, to vaguely polite applause from the other teams and Phil, all of whom hated them.  Especially Phil.  At least I'm assuming.  He has eyes and ears and a brain.

Anyway, the 2nd Detour of the neverending two-hour episode was a choice between Sailing a Boat and Finding the Right Shoe to place on a model.  The Linzes and Weavers took sailing, while the Bransens took the shoe thing, and while the editing made it seem like the Bransens were having a hell of a time finding the shoe and falling hopelessly behind, they ended up finishing the task at almost the exact same point as the Linzes finished the sailing challenge, leaving the two teams practically neck and neck in the race for the final clue.

The Linzes did have a slight lead, though, and got to the next task - another one involving a boat (go originality!) and held onto the lead in this completely passive activity that occurred only minutes before they'd be awarded a million dollars.  Way to test them, producers!  Anyway, the Bransens were hot on their tail, and the Weavers were well behind, much to everyone's relief.  But they were still praying.  Fortunately God had better things to do at the moment.

And then came the final Roadblock... the exciting conclusion to an "Amazing" season... and wait for it... A Geography Puzzle!!  woo hoo!  Go grammar school!  So one of the Linz brothers - I never bothered to learn their names - and Wally Bransen fought to finish putting a large puzzle of North and Central America together (including the 50 states and Canadian provinces).  It was actually quite tense and seemed to be just about even most of the time, but that could have been fortunate editing, because all of the sudden the Linzes were finished and racing to the Phil mat and the Bransens were nowhere to be found.

And that's how it ended.  Linzes first, Bransens second, Weavers third (although we didn't get to see them do the geography puzzle, meaning they probably didn't have to do it since they'd already lost, but which would have been funny since they'd be so goddawful at geography the whole race).  Anyway, Phil can hardly muster up any excitement, the Linzes and Bransens praise each other and their families, Wally Bransen tears up, and Megan Linz is still fat.  But the season is over.  So there's that.  Next year better be much, much better because I'm running out of decent shows to recap.

Comments

[LegFuJohnson]

I still think you could have made the lesbian sister team win.

24 starts Jan 15, with two hours. Then another two hours on Monday, Jan 16. Watch the show.

[Todd Young]

When they were at Olympic Stadium, the field was a football field not a baseball field.

I agree with Leg-watch 24-best show on TV-other than the OC